I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
