I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
