Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
