Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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