so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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