he shaved USA in his pubs
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
