I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
