I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
