TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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