Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
