So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
