I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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