OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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