i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
