I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
