"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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