Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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