Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
