By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
