Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
