You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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