I hate your face
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
