So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
