Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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