i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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