Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
