You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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