True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
