Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I am naked and annoyed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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