So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
