I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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