so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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