Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
