Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
