Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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