Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
