I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
