i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
