I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
