Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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