Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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