I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
