I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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