you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
