What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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