i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Panties = found
Randomize
