Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
