So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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