it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
