I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
