I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
