We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
